Black Velvet

“Mississippi in the middle of a heat wave, Jimmy Rodgers on the Victrola up high, Mama's dancin' with a baby on her shoulder, the sun is settin' like molasses in the sky…” Black Velvet…written by Christopher Ward & Davis Tyson. Sung by Alannah Myles…. The Southland is indeed in the middle of a heat wave, outside the heat index is about 105, so I need an indoor activity. After reading the news, I decided an exorcism might be fun. When I told Ann about my plan, she looked at me and just shook her head. It’s a look that only women can call up, and it generally means, you’re in serious need of counseling. Little girls come out of the womb fully equipped with that look, they refine it as teenage girls, and by the time they’re married, they can freeze water with it. Despite getting no spousal support, I think occasionally, we all need to hold a little personal exorcism. It doesn’t require a Catholic ritual a couple thousand years old, or a priest. It just needs a person to stand up, and silently scream fuck it, I’ve had enough and get rid of some demons. So, feel free to join me on a little rant, because I’m less than a hundred days from being asked to register my choice between two candidates to become the most powerful person on the planet, a person who has the power to literally destroy that planet at his or her fingertips. They will also oversee the world’s largest economy and provide direction for history’s most advanced civilization. This person will hopefully be calm, decisive, worldly, wise, compassionate, decent, and always put the welfare of the American people above their ego, whims and need for adoration and attention. I’ll be asked to choose between two candidates- the first a man, successful in business with an almost animal sense of cunning, demanding constant recognition and adoration, worshipping power and wealth, and prone to silly, childish tantrums and name calling. The second candidate is the bionic woman created by the democratic party. She can’t decide who she is, if it’s a liberal crowd, she’s a flaming liberal, if it’s a more conservative crowd, she’s a crime busting DA. She became a United States Senator when a vacancy opened in California and her old pals Gavin Newsome and Willy Brown decided she was the girl for the job. She became Vice President after Joe Biden went hat in hand to South Carolina, and cut a deal with wily, old James Clyburn. She got one major assignment as VP, and it was to fix the southern border. She flew over the border one time, shook her head, muttered, fuck me, I ain’t getting involved in this mess, flew back to DC and stayed out of everybody’s way for three and a half years. So, you wonder why I’m making jokes about an exorcism? Like every other American, I’ve got a decision to make. On one hand, I’ve got an obnoxious guy who probably has a screw loose but is good for the economy and won’t tax my ass into the poor house, on the other hand, do I vote for a ghost, kind of like on the old game show mystery guest sign in please. She’s a total shot in the dark, nobody can be sure what she’ll do if she gets to sit in the big chair. The only known is we’ll be getting a new president, everything past that is a crap shoot. Does Trump grow up, shut up and concentrate on the job, or does he spend four years saying stupid shit and picking petty fights?... Las Vegas betting line is 5 to 3 against. Does Harris grow into the job, keep her eye on the big picture and become president of all Americans, or get sidetracked over ultra-liberal wish lists?... Las Vegas betting line is even money at best…