You Gotta' Have Friends

I always wanted to live by the ocean, and I got my wish in Savannah-salt air, palm trees and no snow; just an occasional hurricane, and a tropical storm every once in awhile to remind you where you live. The tidewater country is an amazing place, full of pirate lore, smugglers, voodoo and ghost stories. It’s also a place where you wear out lawnmowers, weed eaters, and chain saws at an amazing pace. Living on the water keeps you busy with upkeep and introduces you to a lot of new friends. If you’re interested in wildlife, like me, it’s heaven. If not, call a realtor. You quickly learn that you moved into the wildlife’s neighborhood, they didn’t move into yours. Living in Coastal Georgia, you’ll have the resident wildlife in your backyard, and most of it has been around people enough that it doesn't exactly run away. So, you learn their habits, and the dos and don’ts, observe common sense safety precautions, give them space, and we all get along just fine. This area has black bears, an occasional (but rarely) Florida panther, bobcats, eagles, foxes, coyotes, minks, opossums, racoons, squirrels, marsh hares, lots of deer, plenty of birds, and every reptile in the book.

This is a Yellow Rat Snake named Ricardo, who's lived here a long time and is used to people. The following is an interaction that occurred the other morning-Ricardo: "Hey Cabron, what's happenin’?" Me: "You need to move your big ass, I've got to mow and weed eat, here..." Ricardo: "Naw, let's do it the usual way, you pick me up, carry me to a nice spot in the sun, and I'll critique the shitty job you're doing on the yard..." Me: "I pay the property taxes around here..." Ricardo: "And I eat the Copperheads and Water Moccasins, wanna' change jobs?" Me: "not really..." Ricardo: "Good, and when you go back out front, send the cocktail waitress around..." Me: "FML..." Ricardo: "I heard that, Cabron"....

There was rain coming in from the southeast, off the ocean, and I was doing a Chevy Chase imitation, and trying to finish mowing in the backyard. I got done and found this note from The Blonde Bombshell on the kitchen counter…

Me: “What are you doing all the way over here?” Alligator: “I just got into a pissing contest with that big-assed Golden Eagle over by the dock, so I thought I’d come over and see if you had a dead chicken, or two…” Me: “What are you and the eagle fighting about, now?” Alligator: “We can’t agree on who gets the fish guts…” Me: “Get your ass back over there, you can’t hang around here…” Alligator: “Thanks for being a dick, why don’t you cut me a little slack, nobody’s hunting you, trying to turn you into a goddamn handbag for Carrie Bradshaw…” (before anybody gets concerned, the iPhone made the ‘gator look larger, he was only about 4 ft)

Alligator Snapping Turtle…about twice a week this guy walks an identical path across the backyard from the Marsh to a brackish water creek on the opposite side of the property. I have no idea what he’s up to, but I think it has something to do with sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. I’m guessing there’s some juke joint over there by the creek with cheap booze and loose women, and he’s having a boy’s night out. I’ve asked him, but all I got was a dirty look and a loud hiss…

Backyard. This photo was taken around dusk, off the back deck, looking southeast towards the ocean. The fog was rolling in and I thought it looked cool, like something out of John Carpenter’s movie, The Fog…don’t answer that knock on the door!!

Paw print. This photo was taken a couple of years ago, in wet ground on the edge of the marsh, the dollar bill is there for scale. I’ll let you figure out what made it…